


It's the thing with Life, No one makes it out alive

by nimara



Category: Beetlejuice - All Media Types, Beetlejuice - Perfect/Brown & King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, It's going to be sad, People are still going to die, also english is not my native language, but also funny I swear, so i'm sorry for any mistakes, well I'll try
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-08-23 17:17:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20246449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nimara/pseuds/nimara
Summary: While doing their community service in the Netherworld, Adam and Barbara finds a box of strange files. Files of people who died over two years ago. They surely didn't expect to find the file of someone they know in it. Especially since this person is still alive.





	1. Chapter 1 : The Netherworld

**Author's Note:**

> So this idea came to me after a conversation in a Beetlejuice the musical discord server. It's going to be five chapters long! I hope you'll enjoy! Don't hesitate to leave kudos and comments I love hearing opinions on my work!

**Chapter 1 : The Netherworld**

Barbara hated the Netherworld. The land of the dead was always basked in that weird purple-greenish light and the fog was terrible. No wonder anyone would go back if they could. It was a chance that Adam and her had. The needed to spend only a limited amount of time each day in the strange dimension for their community service. Yes, it had been a surprise for the Maitlands too when they learned that the Netherworld had laws and that breaking some of these laws could end up in you being forced to do some community service.

Both, the couple and Beetlejuice, had been sentenced to community service for the next ten years. Of course, it technically was Beetlejuice’s fault but the dead couple had to admit that maybe they had some responsibilities in the events that occurred in the living world. Lydia had trespassed into the Netherworld. Something that living people were not supposed to do. Obviously. And of course, there was the Sandworm that ate Juno. That was probably what got them actually sentenced. Miss Argentina had told them they could be happy because it wasn’t a big sentence compare to their “crimes”. But Adam and Barbara quickly understood that it was mostly because everyone hated Juno and that they were glad to get rid of her.

So right now, Barbara and Adam were following Miss Argentine through the long corridors of the Netherworld for their next mission. They had been separated from Beetlejuice who apparently had a different mission than them. Which was both a relief and sad. Even though Beetlejuice was no longer a demon but a ghost like them, he still had immense powers that were sometimes handy in their tasks. But at the same time Beetlejuice was still a synonym of chaos which could make their task more difficult sometimes.

“Okay, so this will cover your last three hours for this week.” said the green receptionist taking a sudden left turn. The couple hurried behind her. How could she walk so fast in those heels?

Adam shivered every time a ghost passed near him. Of course, it was silly because he was a ghost himself but he couldn’t help it. The ghosts from the Netherworld seemed different. Tired by years or maybe even centuries of wandering in the dimension. Their trips to the Netherworld always reminded Adam how lucky Barbara and he were to be living with the Deetzes.

Miss Argentina stopped abruptly in front of a big red door. Adam almost bumped into her. The beauty queen turned toward them,

“This is the Netherworld’s archives. Every single file of every deceased person is in there. I want you to rearrange the files from the people who died over the last five years. Right now, they are in alphabetical order and we want them in chronological order.”

“The last five years?!” exclaimed Adam, “But more than 150 000 people die each day! It’s going to take us years!”

Beside him, Barbara nodded. Miss Argentina raised one eyebrow,

“Well good thing you’ve been sentenced to ten years then!”

And with that, she pushed the door open, letting the Maitlands in the enormous room. For a moment the couple stayed stunned in the entrance. The archives looked like a giant Library. Files covered the shelves going up against the ceiling. The room seemed to stretch to the horizon as it was impossible to see the opposite wall. They were pulled out of their thoughts by the receptionist who passed near them.

“Okay follow me instead of staying there like fishes!”

Once again, Barbara and Adam followed her until they arrived in front of the shelves containing the files of the deceased from the last five years.

“Here it is! Good luck. I’ll come back to get you in three hours.”

The beauty queen walked back from where they came from, the sound of her heels echoing around the room, followed by the sound of the door slamming shut.

Barbara sighed, “Why do we have to do this? It’s going to take so much time.”

“I know hon,” Adam wrapped an arm around her, “But at least we’re together.”

The blonde let out a small giggle at her husband’s optimism.

“Yes, we are. But I think we should get started if we don’t want to be stuck here for the next thirty years.”

So, they went to work. Taking the files one by one out the shelves and putting them by dates. The had a small debate on how to sort people who died the same day and finally agreed on putting them in alphabetical order.

“One shelf done!” exclaimed Adam happily.

“I can’t believe we only did one shelf! It seems like we’ve been doing this for five hours already! Do you think Miss Argentina forgot about us?”

When she received no response, Barbara turned to her husband, whose eyes were fixed on something she couldn’t see.

“Adam are you alright?”

“What? Oh sorry, hon, it’s just,” he moved some of the files, “I think there’s something under the shelf.”

With a frown, Barbara got on her knees, soon joined by Adam as they looked under the giant shelf.

“You’re right! It looks like a box.” Exclaimed Barbara, “Let’s get it out.”

It took them a few minutes but they finally managed to get the box out of its hiding place. Inside were several files. But they weren’t green like the one already on the shelves but red. In big bold letters the words “**TO PROCESS**” were stamped on the front of the box.

“Do you think they made a mistake by putting it here?” asked Adam, going through the files

“Well probably since they haven’t been processed apparently. I wonder what it means.”

Adam had suddenly stopped browsing the files. His hands clenched around one of them,

“Uh Barbara… You should see this.”

Barbara leaned over her husband’s shoulder, looking at the file in his hands.

“But… it’s not possible.” She said slowly as she read the small prints on the file.

“I don’t understand either.” Said Adam “I mean we’re living with Delia. I think we would know if she was dead. Especially since she apparently died more than two years ago!”

The file was indeed disturbing.

_“Delia Schlimmer; Born: May 24, 1977; Dead: February 12, 2017.”_

A picture of a smiling redhead was glued on the front page. It was unmistakably the Delia they knew. For a moment none of them said a word. Not really knowing what to do with this information.

“We should probably talk about it to Miss Argentina.” Finally said Adam.

As if she had been summoned by his words, the sounds of heels echoing suddenly filled the archives and a few minutes later, the green woman stood in front of them,

“Your three hours are up.”

Adam quickly put the file back into the box.

“Uh… We found something weird.” Began Barbara

“it’s the Netherworld, everything is weird here.” Said Argentina, rolling her eyes.

“No. We mean that we found this box,” continued Adam, gesturing to the box on the floor, “and the files in it don’t make any sense.”

This time Miss Argentina frowned, “What do you mean?”

“Well first the files are red and not green like the other and…” Barbara hesitated, “there is a file in it that says that one person we know is dead. But I’m pretty sure this person is not dead since we live with her.”

The beauty queen had paled slightly at her words.

“It’s impossible. Red files mean they haven’t been processed yet. And in the archives, all the files are processed.”

“Well apparently not these ones.” Adam regretted talking as Miss Argentina sent him a death glare. Good thing he was already dead.

She quickly took the box and immediately started walking toward the exit. Barbara and Adam stood there for a moment before running after her. Once they arrived at the reception, the couple was out of breath. Well, metaphorically. Miss Argentina put the box on her desk. She pressed a button and the door toward the Deetzes’s house opened.

“Here you go! See you on Monday!” exclaimed the green woman, clearly wanting them to go.

“But what about the…”

“I’ll tell you about it once I understand why this box was in the archives. Now shoo!”

The Maitlands didn’t question her. They went through the door, still slightly disturbed by their discovery.

They appeared back in the living room, where Delia was seating on the couch, reading a book about meditation. When she heard them coming back, she put her book aside to greet them,

“Barbara, Adam! How was your community service today?”

They looked at each other, silently agreeing on not saying anything about what they had found. They would wait for Miss Argentina’s investigation to be over before saying anything to the Deetzes.

“It was okay! We’re glad to be back!” said Barbara as lightly as she could.

Delia gave them a big smile, “Good! Beetlejuice has been back for a few minutes now. I think he went in the attic.” The life coach sat back down and went back to her book.

The Maitlands slowly made their way to the attic. Already discussing a way to evict Beetlejuice from it before he made a mess. But the files never left their thoughts as they wondered how much time Miss Argentina would need before she could give them an explanation.

Turned out they didn’t need to wait very long. Two days later, the six of them were eating dinner. Lydia was talking about her day at school to the Maitlands as Charles was talking about one of his new real-estate projects to Delia, trying not to be distracted by Beetlejuice who was floating around the room, trying to eat a spider.

They all jumped as the door to the Netherworld opened. Miss Argentina stepped out of it, a somber expression on her face and three red files under her arm.


	2. Chapter 2 : You are dead.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miss Argentina has some news she needs to share with the Deetzes and the Maitlands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!TW : MENTION OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP!!
> 
> Here's chapter 2!! Enjoy! and don't hesitate to leave a kudos or comment! :)

“Uh Miss Argentina? What owe us the pleasure?” greeted Charles, not really understanding why the Netherworld’s receptionist was in their living room.

Beetlejuice gently floated back down next to the beauty queen.

“Please don’t tell me my mother is back!”

True it was hard to survive being eaten by a Sandworm, but Juno was a 6000 years old demon. So, Beetlejuice feared that she would actually come back one day. He didn’t want to deal with her ever again.

Miss Argentina shook her head, “No she’s not.” She paused slightly before adding, “But We have another problem and I need to talk with you all. And that includes the… well uh… living.”

Charles and Delia shared a look. They way she had pronounced the word “living” was weird. It was almost as if it was ironic. Under the table, Charles grabbed his wife’s hand. What if it was because they wanted Lydia to go back to the Netherworld. After all none of them got in trouble for being living people in the land of the dead. He couldn’t lose his daughter. Delia gave his hand a little squeeze.

“Then why are you here? And what are those?” asked Beetlejuice, getting impatient and trying to snatch the files from under the dead woman’s arms.

“You’ll know soon enough!” answered Miss Argentina, getting the former demon away from her by hitting him with the files.

The Maitlands hadn’t say a word. They knew what the files were. But they weren’t aware of why there were three of them. It couldn’t be good news.

Miss Argentina sighed, “It’s a good thing you’re all sitting down.” She paused before continuing, “the Netherworld has a very precise way to deal with all the dead we receive every day. Every deceased person has a file. We receive the files and we process them before their death. Once the processing is done, the person can receive the handbook and basically their existence in the land of the living is over. Before the process is complete, the files are red and once it’s complete the become green and we put them in the archives.”

She gestured to the files still under her arm. Everyone was confused. Especially the Deetzes.

“Uh Okay. But why are you telling us that?” asked Lydia.

The green woman hesitated. Six pairs of eyes fixed on her. Even Beetlejuice seemed to be listening. It wasn’t as easy as she thought it would be. She took a deep breath.

“During their community service, the Maitlands found a box in the archives. A box of un-processed files that had nothing to do there. Yesterday we found another box of those un-processed files. This means that those people who died a few years ago never received their handbook and are still tied to the land of the living even though they are dead.”

Silence greeted her words. Adam wrapped and arm around Barbara, realizing what the three files under her arm were and what they meant.

“In those boxes we found those three files.” The receptionist spread them on the table in front of the Deetzes.

Charles shakily reach to the one in front of him. Why was his name on it?

“I don’t understand. What does this mean?”

Once again Miss Argentina took a deep breath. There was no easy way to say this,

“It means that you, Lydia, Charles and Delia Deetz, are dead.”

The silence seemed almost loud. Then Delia laughed. A high pitched, nervous laugh,

“It’s impossible! I mean how can we be dead? I think I would remember if I had died.”

“Actually no. You wouldn’t have. Because your file wasn’t processed correctly.” Gently said the receptionist, “An unprocessed file mean that you will remember what caused your death but not in a way that allows you to realize that you are dead. For example, someone who died during, let’s say Bungee jumping, and whose file hasn’t been correctly processed, will remember the elastic snapping and falling but will just get up and go on with their day. The living can still see them, and basically almost nothing changes.”

“So, then it doesn’t matter. They will die again at one point.” Exclaimed Beetlejuice, confused and not wanting his family to be dead.

“That’s the problem. At one-point death will get them. If their files are not processed when this happen then they will cease to exist. No afterlife. They will simply disappear. Poof!”

“So, we really are dead?” asked Lydia, slightly dizzy. It couldn’t be real. They couldn’t be dead. Right?

“Unfortunately, yes.”

“But I don’t remember what could have killed us! I don’t understand!” snapped Charles.

He didn’t like this joke one bit. Beside him, Delia had gone so pale it was almost as if she could pass out at any moment. On his other side Lydia was just staring at her file with a blank stare. The Maitlands stayed silent, tears in their eyes. Beetlejuice was scratching his head, trying to understands what was going on. As a former demon he didn’t have the same relation to death than the others. Although he did understand that this wasn’t something good.

“I’m afraid you are dead Mr. Deetz.” Said Miss Argentina trying to be as calm as she could.

“How did we die then?” shakily asked Delia.

“Well you didn’t die the same way. The details are in your files but Charles and Lydia died in a car crash about a year and a half ago. Not Long after Emily’s death…” she was interrupted by Lydia’s whisper.

“the bridge…” she looked at her dad, “Dad remember the bridge! That truck didn’t stop at the red light and almost crashed into us!”

Charles paled, “yes I remember. I thought…. I thought we were going to die.” He paused before whispering, “I guess we actually did.”

“And me, how did I die?” questioned Delia, her wide brown eyes fixing Miss Argentina.

The woman winced. She had read the Deetzes files, of course. But if Charles and Lydia’s death had been quick ones, Delia’s had been… not something she would want anyone to go through but unfortunately it was also a common cause of death.

“You died two years and a half ago. Your ex-boyfriend was abusive. I’m sure you remember that. One night he was… beating you and well…. He didn’t stop.” The last par of her sentence was a whisper.

The silence that followed was heavy. Charles broke it,

“Wait. What?” anger evident in his voice.

Delia had never told him about it. He had guessed that she had been in an abusive relationship because of her reaction. She would sometime flinch when he made a sudden movement near her or she would avoid any discussion about her previous relationship. But he had never thought it was this bad.

“This is horrible!” exclaimed Barbara disgust evident in her voice.

Adam and Lydia had an expression of pure horror on their face. Beetlejuice was fuming. Literally. The tip of his hair slowly turning to red. For a moment, Miss Argentina thought he was going to snap. But he disappeared in a cloud of green smoke. She knew he had gone after Delia’s ex. She definitely wouldn’t be the one to stop him.

“Oh yeah I remember that night.” Quietly said Delia.

The silence fell again on the household. Miss Argentina felt like her mission was done. They needed time alone.

“Well. I have to go. There are other people who need to be inform.”

No one said anything. So, the receptionist stepped back through the door. Leaving the Maitlands and Deetzes alone.

After a moment, Lydia got up.

“Where are you going?” asked Charles.

“In my room. I need… I need to be alone.”

“Lydia…” he tried to stop her, but the sound of her door slamming echoed in the house.

Adam and Barbara shared a look. It had been a shock for everyone. They should let Delia and Charles alone. They also had to make sure that Lydia wasn’t going to do anything stupid. She was maybe dead but the teenager was still linked with the living.

“We’re going to go too. You have a lot to discuss.” Gently said Adam, before he and Barbara disappeared.

Charles sighed and rounded up the files, putting them on the buffet. It was late. They would have time to read them tomorrow. He turned back toward Delia. His wife had a far away expression. He gently extended his hand toward her. When it entered her field of vision she jumped, raising her arms in a defensive posture. Charles felt his heart shattered. But once she recovered, she took his hand.

They slowly walked to their bedroom. Mechanically putting their pajamas on. Charles let himself fall heavily next to Delia.

“I should have left him long before It came down to this.” She quietly said.

The tears in her eyes finally falling down her cheeks, she clasped a hand on her mouth in an attempt to stiffen her sobs. Charles immediately enveloped her in an embrace, her tears soaking his shirt, his slowly falling in her hair. They fell asleep in each other arms as the first light of dawn lighted up the room tear tracks still visible on their cheeks and three handbooks for the recently deceased waiting for them on the living room table.


End file.
